Cutting the Cords of My Past

continued.......

Several years ago, I worked with an energy healer trained through Barbara Brennan School of Healing. Barbara Brennan is a former NASA physicist that teaches a healing modality based on the Human Energy-Consciousness System. I spent five years working with this particular healer. I learned a lot through him about the human energy field: sensing, reading, seeing and feeling it. One of the things we did was cord cutting. Knowing how to sense the cords and disconnecting them proved helpful and healing through my divorce. Whenever I could feel my soon-to-be (or even post divorce) husband's stifling energy moving in on me, in my mind's eye, I would pull out my "spiritual scissors" and cut the cord...just release him and release myself. I hadn't thought about it regarding my childhood wound about my dad. I had already healed and released plenty while working with this healer but sexual addiction wasn't even in my consciousness during that time span, nor was I remotely aware of the pain that my dad's behavior caused me. I knew how effective this technique had been for me and I was anxious to use it on releasing my attachment to my dad's sexuality.

The lights were low. The walls were painted a soft, barely there soothing dusty pink color. There was probably between 12-14 people sitting in a semi-circle facing the woman that lead the class. She explained the process of cord cutting and the meditation we would all do to release whatever each of us had come for. Her particular meditation would be using Arch Angel Michael to cut the cord with a sword of white light. She told the group that during the meditation we would see a visual of where in our bodies that the cords were connected and that it would be different for everyone. One of the most important things she said was, "Never cut cords that are attached to the heart. We always want to release others, situations or thought forms through love...never anger". She went on to explain that it doesn't mean you are cutting that person out of your life but that you are cutting the bond to that aspect of your relationship with the person. "Don't be surprised if you find a message on your cell from the person that you have chosen for this meditation. Often people report that calls came during the meditation process. It is also common to have to continue to bring up the image of the cord cutting for a time so as not to allow the cords to reconnect. It isn't always a one time thing".

The teacher prepared us to start the meditation. Some chose to sit in their chairs, some sat on the floor and others chose to lay down on mats. I sat in the traditional cross legged yoga pose. I immediately felt a lot of heat in my second and third chakras - stomach and abdomen. She did the usual soothing talk to help everyone get grounded and connected to self and spirit. She had us visualize walking down a long hall to open a door that was filled with a soothing white light. We were told to invite into the room anyone we wanted to help us with the process - God, Jesus, Angels, Guides, loved ones that had passed over, whatever felt right to us as individuals. Since she was choosing to use Arch Angel Michael he was to be present for all of us. To my surprise my mom showed up in my visualization (she passed several yrs. ago). I said to her, "What? I don't think so", and she disappeared. We were guided to bring up the image of a big white screen and to allow a holographic image of the person we wanted to cut cords with to appear on that screen. She told us that that person could not talk but that we were free to say whatever we chose to them. I saw the image of my dad. I didn't feel anger toward him. As I got ready to speak to him my mother appeared on the screen next to him. I was perplexed to see her again but then I saw the cords coming out of both of their bodies, joining to one large cord that attached into my body. Then I understood how much a part of my wounding she had been because she gave me the information as a child. She was continually telling the details of his behavior. I was calm and loving to my parents. I just told them that I didn't want to carry around what they had dumped on me for so many years. I told them both how much their behaviors hurt and wounded me. I was giving them back what belonged to them. The woman guided us to allow Arch Angel Michael to cut the cords that attached us to what we wanted freedom from. As the cord was cut from my body it split into the cords that came from my parents bodies and went back inside of them. I realized at this point that my parents had been holding each of my hands and after the cords went back inside of them they just slowly released my hands and disappeared. It had been completed.

After the meditation was finished the woman asked how everyone felt. I decided to share my experience because it was a very powerful one that left me feeling transformed and free. I only said that it had to do with a deep childhood wound that I had only become aware of in the last year and a half. Several people commented on how different my countenance was from before the meditation took place. I told the group that I had done the cord cutting in the past and that it had taken me several months of repeating the process before I no longer felt tied to or triggered by that person.

Driving home, I decided that I would start using the symbol of cord cutting whenever I thought about SA in a triggering or panicked way in relation to anyone, myself included. My dad called me four times consecutively on my home phone the next morning w/out leaving a message. He then immediately called my cell phone but left no message. I didn't feel ready to talk to him. The following day I was at my cranio-sacral appointment and shared my experience with her. When I left her office I had a message on my cell from my dad, "Ive been trying to reach you for days! Why are you running away from me???" Days? hhhhmmm....

I have gained a great deal of healthy detachment from this process and I continue to do it...I cut and release. It gets me centered and out of my dysfunction. I continue to feel greater freedom from the affects of SA. When I think of my childhood wound there is only a minimal sense of sadness left with it. I don't experience the intense pain I had before. When dealing with issues concerning my husband I am able to respond from a place that is much more "adult" and not so concerned about being hurt beyond repair.

As for the woman working with my husband - she got the job. My husband said that she is different, toned down. He has no idea if the boss spoke to her about the flirting attitude or not. He hasn't been around her much but it doesn't really matter. It's about my husband being responsible for himself as I do the same for myself. Could it become a problem? I suppose so. Could it end up a non-issue? Maybe. I am amazed that I have gone from thinking that I wouldn't be able to cope with her being there to hardly ever thinking of it and if I do I can cut my attachment to outcomes. I've only felt the need to ask my husband twice about her since she started a few weeks ago. Each time he has been open and non-defensive. The conversations have been good for both of us. I trust that if I keep myself clear I'll know what I need to know. The Universe will provide.

I lost my faith for a long time. Of late, I have developed a new kind of faith. A faith that tells me I am safe to trust the Universe. A faith that tells me I never lost that safety, only my perception of it. My God is benevolent. I understand why these things have happened to me. I was hiding from myself. I ask to be shown the areas that are hidden from my view, that the light would shine on the shadows of my soul for me to see the thoughts, beliefs and behaviors needed to be released to allow me to be more fully who I am.